Date of publication: 2017-09-02 15:15
If the parents are able to have a real discussion and are amenable to examining their parenting styles, keeping the best interest of the children in mind, then the discussion should proceed in this manner:
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Ever wonder why some children with parents who have divorced fare better than others? Respecting these ten rules of post-divorce parenting can be a powerful contributing factor to your child's success after a divorce. Keeping these rules will not only help the children, it will help you too.
Regardless of how often you see your children, make your home a place of safety. Your home should be a place where children are respected, cared for, shown love and acceptance and taught responsibility. It does not matter what is going on at your ex's house. In fact, if you feel that there is not enough safety at your ex's house, the safety you create only becomes that much more important.
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The following outline provides eight essential responsibilities that parents must adhere to in order to foster their child's physical and/or emotional well-being:
It makes sense to some. Says Stacey Priestley, a northern Indiana teacher: “My son gets money for grades. We tell him going to school and getting good grades is his job. If he does his job well, he gets paid just like a job in the real world.”
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Pending the thoughts of divorce, pre-Divorce time is yet a better time to begin implementing these steps. So much seems to be 'failing' in a person's life that these steps will seem like mountains to some personalities, while smart stepping stones to others. Marriages fall appart for lack of being able to agree to follow a patttern for success for that marriage, including these 65 steps above mentioned. These are simply another set of '65 Steps to live by'. Always. Excellent.
Asking your children to choose one parent over another, whether overtly or through subtle messages, can create anxiety and guilt. Not knowing who to choose creates anxiety. So does fear of reprisal by the scorned parent. Being unfaithful to a parent can create tremendous feelings of guilt. This can lead to hurt and anger in the child for having being asked to make that difficult choice. Some children will disconnect emotionally from both parents as a way of coping with having to make a decision. Everyone loses in that scenario.
Does anyone know of an empirical study that supports #7? I am trying to convince my co-parent to stop talking negatively about me to my daughter. Thanks a lot.
Thank you so much for this FANTASTIC article. I'm going to forward it straight away to my ex husband as we are really not on the same line regarding our divorce. Your comments are all I strive to teach my child but I'm being confronted by my ex husband who - unfortunately - sabotages me. One friend of mine told me that I should be grateful to my ex husband as he is bringing me closer to my strengths. I can see it that way sometimes but other times when I'm weaker or more vulnerable I see that he brings me closer to insanity which is very distructive to my son, myself and our shalom at home.. Anyway, thanks a lot. God bless you. Love, Sylvie
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I wonder how much post-partum depression might relate to moms being inundated with developmentally crazy and disorganized aggression and terror—and not even realizing what is happening. Perhaps to fend off such terribly anguished mental states themselves, a new mother might disconnect (feeling possibly ashamed and self-critical) but also be triggered back into her own never-metabolized pre-verbal experiences, re-traumatized by that same stage of life.